National Press In “What Do We We Write About?” Shocker

Love Island is over.

Danny Dyer won. Well his daughter did because she is his daughter, in the most unsurprising reality show climax evuh.

Today tabloid newsrooms are in turmoil, with frantic editorial meetings taking place to discuss filling the clickbait void.

The Daily Mirror averaged more than 20 articles per day about Love Island, peaking yesterday, the day after the final, at FORTY NINE separate articles.

This clikbait frenzy needs to be maintained to keep the nations youth and stupid clicking, so in shocking news, we can reveal that tabloid editors are considering desperate measures.


Weather porn is going to make a comeback.

Tempearatures are going to climb up into the high twenties later this week, which will give the press an endless stream of clickbait to write about:

“Records to be broken by new scorcher”

“It’s warm: climate change to blame”

“It’s hot: colder weather on the way (due to climate change)”

“UK weather will become more frequent due to climate change”

“Weather to become more frequent due to climate change”

“Rain, storms and pestilence on the way”

“Heat is evil”

“Hot summer will last until Christmas”

“Chinchilla dies after being locked in hot car for 18 minutes”

And on, and on and on….


Brexit will make a comeback

The news that Kent is being turned into a lorry park, and that food will totes rot due to Brexit, will get more press attention.

Clickbait such as:

“Food will rot in Kent due to Brexit” (despite the fact it would actually rot in France)

“Fat boy Boris Is Evil”

“Thin boy Corbyn is evil”

“Cost of tv signals due to skyrocket under Brexit”

And of course the Independent will push their #finalsay campaign.

You know, as it will be the final say, as long as it’s the result they want. Otherwise it will be a “once in a generation” event like the Scottish referendum, where the nationalists said it totes wasn’t when they lost.

Perhaps the Indie should already be planning a #finalfinalsay campaign, just in case.

The Shocker is considering filling the void by combining these key themes, with a series of high quality articles on how climate change is due to Brexit.  Or perhaps it’s the other way round, we really aren’t sure any more.



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